The third grade class visits the Book Mobile, whosedriver considers reading to be magical. Outside of the Book Mobile, someone has apparently raped a chicken. When Officer Barbrady starts the investigation, he is confronted with his inability to read when he is unable to read a note left by the attacker (the "Chickenfucker"). He resigns in shame and anarchy immediately breaks out, proving that, as unintelligent as he is, Barbrady does keep order in town. Barbrady is put into the boys ' class to learn to read. Meanwhile, the "Chickenlover" (as he is euphemistically called, as the adults do not think it would be socially appropriate to call the attacker "Chickenfucker") strikes again.
Officer Barbrady's book report on Go, Dog, Go! gives him an A and he starts to enjoy the school life a little too much. Mayor McDaniels forces him to learn reading more quickly to solve the case. He promotes the boys to deputies to help him in his task. From then on, Cartman patrols the town on his bigwheel, enforcing his own brand of justice and dealing violently with those who fail to respect his "authoritah" (This is the first episode in which Cartman uses his iconic catchphrase, "Respect my authoritah!"). In a jab at the show Cops, Cartman upholds the law by attacking Randy Marsh with a nightstick for allegedly breaking the speed limit. Meanwhile, Barbrady put some clues together by reading some children's books. When he almost gives up, the boys keep up his spirits. Ultimately, Barbrady is successful and, through his reading, learns that the Chickenfucker plans to strike the petting zoo next.
The Chickenfucker is finally caught in the act at the petting zoo. He turns out to be the Book Mobile driver (who actually started molesting chickens before Barbrady admitted that he couldn't read). The Book Mobile driver insists that the only way he could get Barbrady to learn to read was by raping chickens. He gives Barbrady a copy of Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged, which convinces Barbrady that reading "totally sucks ass." Barbrady then kills the Chickenfucker by hitting him in the head with a nightstick. In the end, Barbrady decides to take a hot bath and "curl up with a nice book" before giving a prolonged thumbs-up to the camera. During the credits roll, Kenny finally dies by being squashed by an unexpectedly fallen tree.